That was a fun post title to write.

I’m writing this thing, see? And I gotta find someone who’s much better at family law than I am, so when I write the part of the protagonist (who fictionally does family law and criminal law), I don’t sound stoopd and ill-researched.

Are YOU a lawyer? Is your cousin? Are you a law STUDENT? Did you used to be law student?

If so, please to be chatting with me. I will trade all sorts of things, from eternal fame, to yummy baking.

elaine (at) elainemiller (dot) com

Like half of North America, I’m reading bits and pieces about the Virginia Tech massacre. But that’s not what I want to talk about.

I’m in a wordy mood. My word of the day is “brandish”. The student who killed all those people was seen, in his own video, “brandishing pistols”.

Here’s what Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary says:

Main Entry: brandish
Pronunciation: ‘bran-dish
Function: transitive verb
Etymology: Middle English braundisshen, from Anglo-French brandiss-, stem of brandir, from brant, braund sword, of Germanic origin; akin to Old English brand
1 : to shake or wave (as a weapon) menacingly
2 : to exhibit in an ostentatious or aggressive manner

So, we have a word linked to a particular class of nouns. When we use it in another fashion, such as speaking of a bride brandishing her bouquet, we’re parodying the bridal desperation, by likening the bouquet to a weapon. (So that’s why I dodge ‘em at weddings.)

Metaphorically speaking, pens are oft likened to swords. Here’s my question. If I’m angry enough, can I brandish a blog post?

Dear You People;

Why do the makers of handsoap and facesoap and squooshysoap create a product that smells like the fucking perfumed wedges of paper that drop like bombs out of womens’ magazines?

Why make and sell something that makes your hands reek of odd foreign substances for hours after you wash them? Most of us wash our hands so we can get ‘em clean — not get ‘em stinky.

I mean, if the purpose is to both create bubbles and an overpowering scent in order to mask some scent that’s already there, why not just market the reeky stuff as Old Man’s Ass Cleaner or some appropriate variation?

Damn.

-Elaine